AN EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER!

Hey guys, welcome back to the blog!

TODAY IS GOING TO BE A LITTLE BIT DIFFERENT.

For the last few weeks ever since I started posting up my blogs I had prewritten my entries for days, I would proofread them over and over and then I would show my best friend to get his views and opinions. After that I would do a final draft and post it. I have so many things I would like to talk to you guys about and I want to get back to that next week. Even though I had a few topics in mind to speak about this week, it has been a hard week mentally [Thanks full moon, trust me I felt you] and I wanted to speak about some things that I have struggled with for the past few days.

As I sit in my room writing this, I feel it is important to get in touch with all the things I am feeling right now, to acknowledge them and understand them.

[I have projected all this negative energy into my room for the past few days making it a hard place to literally breathe, and I have to do something about that. My back is killing me because I am carrying all the stress on my shoulders. My tongue feels heavy because there is so much I want to say but no words will come out.]

Before you guys think this is going to be a sappy, crappy blog. I assure you guys it has a purpose, and most importantly you can see why I have mentioned in past blogs that it is an emotional rollercoaster to go through your spiritual journey. (this is mine. this is a low)

"WHAT MATTERS MOST IS HOW WELL YOU WALK THROUGH THE FIRE" - CHARLES BUKOWSKI

I wake up in the middle of the night, short of breath. Every. Single. Night.

It does not matter how great my day has been, it does not matter how good my meditation session was that day. For the past few weeks, maybe even months it has been like this.

Struggling with finding a solution to it, knowing every single day I have to get up and do life, Go to work, and put on a smile. The truth is I do not want to smile, and I do not want to get up, but I do it anyways (I just look forward to my morning coffee really).

I wake up and tell myself that today "I can do it". I can get through the day and for the most part I do. I am so grateful for all the supportive people I have around me. It is extremely important to surround yourself with people that want to see you happy, that believe in you and it does not have to be a whole village, trust me my circle is small! (and that is an understatement). If it was not because I have a great support system, I know my days would be harder and the struggle would be greater.

Now the real topic is:

How do you pick yourself back up from a mentally draining moment or moments?

If you have done it today, believe me when I say you are stronger than you think.

I have tried the self help books, the podcast, the therapy even the medication. In my humble opinion the only one and only thing that can get me out of this is myself only because I have learned to not rely in any of that other stuff as much as I love using them. Now do not get me wrong those are amazing tools to pull yourself together, to understand yourself and the situation you are going through. I believe it is because it reassures you that you are not alone in all of this. In order to get to a place where you do not need to pull out that self help book every time you feel a panic attack coming, or specially run to your therapist for help (no one wants to do that). You need to learn those tools that help you, and what works best for you at times like these.

I know I am not the only one going through difficult times, but I sure used to think I was alone in all of this. I write this blog today hoping it will help me pull myself back up, that tomorrow I wake up with a different mentally and that I can release all the negative energy that my room is carrying.

- YOU GOT THIS -

We all have the strength inside of us. We all have our own path. the important part is finding what that path is and working through the rocky parts. Only then when you see yourself in a place you told yourself you did not want to be in, whether you have been here before or it is your first time. Then your powerful energy will manifest itself and show you the path where you need to go and the strength you have inside. You just have to believe in yourself.

Believe that you are capable of conquering this difficult moment, believe that you love yourself no matter what, you love your body and you love your soul.

I started writing these blogs because my soul felt that it was time to voice my opinions, to use all the art and positive energy I have inside and start somewhere. That starting point has been my struggle for yearsss. I know my strengths as well as my weaknesses and I have learned to live with them. They are the ones who help me get up every morning, I do not feel pressure anymore nor do I feel like I have to please anyone anymore. As difficult as this week has been I write this in hope that, you guys read this and know that if I can do it so can you, and that if you are not going through this then someone you know close to you might and might be needing this. If I can pull myself together so can you.

Buddhism is all about accepting the struggles, accepting the difficult times you are going through and understanding them. As I write this I understand that I am holding on to the idea of how things are suppose to be and not accepting them as they are and working through them. I know myself and I know I have the strength to do so (so the only thing holding me back is myself). I realize what I am holding unto and I choose to let my soul, my heart and my body feel everything I need to feel. Only then will I feel at peace. It is going to take some time, and it is not going to be easy but at least I understand it. That is how I know:

Tomorrow will be a better day.

I wish you guys nothing but the best I hope this full moon was good to you, and know that it is okay to be emotional, it is okay to be in touch with everything you are feeling.

LET THE MOONS ENERGY CONSUME YOU AND OWN IT! BECAUSE IT IS PART OF YOU!

I will talk to you guys next week, Stay Positive.

- Namaste

(Daisy Gonzalez)